So I’ve been promising myself that I’d post a blog as soon as things started looking up. I imagine someone who may had found this site by accident and their subsequent shock to discover that the author is a Peace Corps volunteer and not some narcissistic, melodramatic social critic who seems to have temporarily jumped off the deep-end. But that, my friends, is a conversation for another day.
The only thing more annoying than having to listen to the arrogant assumption by other volunteers and PC staff that they can tell you the emotional trajectory of your service is when you realize that they are actually right. Just as the first two months of training and first three months at site were predicted to be hellish, the light at the end of the (first) tunnel has shown signs of peeking through and, despite the impressive South African cold, blood has returned to fill my thirsty veins.
I must admit a substantial explanation for this upsurge in morale is the nearing of the end of ‘lock-down’, potential freedom and my impending visit to the city south of Africa: Cape Town. Who knows if this lock-down period has served its purpose to facilitate my ‘cultural integration’ (I know it’s developed a claustrophobia that I had never known prior) but regardless, I felt I have made some progress within the village just in terms of simple, though important, informal relationships. I am rarely heckled now and if I feel I am being treated unfairly a subsequent conversation ensues between the perpetrator and myself leaving the former wishing he/she had kept their tongue in their mouth. This conversation is best characterized by a reverse interrogation on my part regarding school, work, and HIV status: a conversation few are jumping at the bit to have.
I must admit a substantial explanation for this upsurge in morale is the nearing of the end of ‘lock-down’, potential freedom and my impending visit to the city south of Africa: Cape Town. Who knows if this lock-down period has served its purpose to facilitate my ‘cultural integration’ (I know it’s developed a claustrophobia that I had never known prior) but regardless, I felt I have made some progress within the village just in terms of simple, though important, informal relationships. I am rarely heckled now and if I feel I am being treated unfairly a subsequent conversation ensues between the perpetrator and myself leaving the former wishing he/she had kept their tongue in their mouth. This conversation is best characterized by a reverse interrogation on my part regarding school, work, and HIV status: a conversation few are jumping at the bit to have.
My relationship with my family has also developed warmly. I am finding myself more comfortable with encroaches on my personal space and attempting to erode many of the anxieties I, along with the majority of those from the ‘North’, cling onto like a life vest in a frightening sea of communalism and sharing. My affection for the family is growing and I can still say that they are a joy to come home to, although harsh disciplinary tactics still leave me quite unnerved.
And as if the miracle dropped out of the sky from ‘Jaysoos’ himself, very heartening signs are presenting themselves in the realm of work. I have all but scrapped my shiny-eyed proposal of putting together a strategic plan for the entire organization because of the logistical difficulties, complete lack of support from upper management, and resistance by the staff. Instead I have decided to scale down and direct most of my energies towards a highly neglected Drop-In Center which has every challenge to overcome one may think of: financial strains, no community support, no support from the organization and management, a disillusioned staff and 143 children to feed and clothe 5 days a week.
Nevertheless, I have chosen to concentrate my efforts on this project because of the potential I have seen within the staff and flashes of passion, dedication and vision. I have also decided to start small; yearly activity plans, assignment of individual responsibilities, recording tools, meetings and English classes. Within the first few weeks one could see little more than smiling faces, nodding heads and assurances that ‘we will work hard’. When I would return to the center to find that nothing had been completed I would be supplicated with excuses that would range from blame shifting to saying that it was too cold (if I remember correctly, the temperature was around 61 that day). My frustration pinnacled when I arrived to find that the meeting I had asked to take place was the fault of missing staff members (neither of whom were essential to the meeting). I was with a friend who was visiting from the states at the time and, unfortunately for him, the rest of his visit turned into a 2-day gripe session that I am sure he thoroughly enjoyed.
But he left and I, like the walking dead, visited the Drop-In Center with little more than going through the motions. Like I stated earlier, it was as if a miracle dropped out of the sky from ‘Jaysoos’ himself. I arrived to the Drop-In Center late last week to find the entire staff sitting together in a 2-hour English class orchestrated by my all-star counter-part. After the class I checked up on the individual responsibilities that I had drawn up (to avoid confusion between activities and increase accountability) and the activities to find that they had actually been completed and recorded or at least attempted. I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t know what to do. I sat in a chair with this stupid look on my face and all I could do was try to understand how and when this all happened. Although it was a very small step, it was a step nonetheless. And my greatest challenge, having the staff buy in to the program, was beginning to take shape.
After a few minutes of deer-like immobility, I began to rack my mind for ideas on the way forward. I was so convinced that my efforts were doomed to fail that I didn’t even have a next step. So firstly I congratulated my colleagues to the best of my ability to mark this historic event, then I started talking to the management about the way forward. Now that our systems were beginning to shape and English classes were being held regularly, we would begin trainings on proposal writing and soliciting funding from outside donors to supplement the deplorable reliability of the Department of Health and Social Services.
I also made it my personal task to award the staff with something. So the next day I went into town and, doing my best impression of a midnight telemarketer, I started banging on shops’ doors asking for donations of paint, brushes or signage to revamp our Drop-In Center from the decrepit state of the current building. And wouldn’t you know, one sign store actually agreed to make a donation and is planning to visit next week. Who knows if he will actually come, but if I have anything to say about it he better hope he does.
The biggest challenge I now face is seeing how well the current progress holds up while I am on leave. I have a few colleagues in whom I have confidence, but even a week away can be a long time. Hopefully the struggles I have experienced over the past three months have helped prepare me for some of the failures that are sure to come. It has been a rough ticket, but if its eventual result is growth and renewed strength then I am glad and ready for the next trial. Well, not too soon.
For now I will fully enjoy a few days returning to the throws of quasi-adulthood and a temporary leave of absence from the example I have forced myself to uphold while in the village. There is always a lot to worry about when you leave something you have put so much effort into. But I suppose it’s apt preparation for the eventuality of the end of my service.
Nevertheless, I have never been more ready to be a kid again. Only five days until a group of restless, dirty Americans disrupts the peaceful South African afternoon with the deafening cacophony of:
You try to scream! but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze! as horror looks you right between the eyes
You're paralyzed!
'Cause this is thriller!, thriller night!
May he rest in peace.
And as if the miracle dropped out of the sky from ‘Jaysoos’ himself, very heartening signs are presenting themselves in the realm of work. I have all but scrapped my shiny-eyed proposal of putting together a strategic plan for the entire organization because of the logistical difficulties, complete lack of support from upper management, and resistance by the staff. Instead I have decided to scale down and direct most of my energies towards a highly neglected Drop-In Center which has every challenge to overcome one may think of: financial strains, no community support, no support from the organization and management, a disillusioned staff and 143 children to feed and clothe 5 days a week.
Nevertheless, I have chosen to concentrate my efforts on this project because of the potential I have seen within the staff and flashes of passion, dedication and vision. I have also decided to start small; yearly activity plans, assignment of individual responsibilities, recording tools, meetings and English classes. Within the first few weeks one could see little more than smiling faces, nodding heads and assurances that ‘we will work hard’. When I would return to the center to find that nothing had been completed I would be supplicated with excuses that would range from blame shifting to saying that it was too cold (if I remember correctly, the temperature was around 61 that day). My frustration pinnacled when I arrived to find that the meeting I had asked to take place was the fault of missing staff members (neither of whom were essential to the meeting). I was with a friend who was visiting from the states at the time and, unfortunately for him, the rest of his visit turned into a 2-day gripe session that I am sure he thoroughly enjoyed.
But he left and I, like the walking dead, visited the Drop-In Center with little more than going through the motions. Like I stated earlier, it was as if a miracle dropped out of the sky from ‘Jaysoos’ himself. I arrived to the Drop-In Center late last week to find the entire staff sitting together in a 2-hour English class orchestrated by my all-star counter-part. After the class I checked up on the individual responsibilities that I had drawn up (to avoid confusion between activities and increase accountability) and the activities to find that they had actually been completed and recorded or at least attempted. I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t know what to do. I sat in a chair with this stupid look on my face and all I could do was try to understand how and when this all happened. Although it was a very small step, it was a step nonetheless. And my greatest challenge, having the staff buy in to the program, was beginning to take shape.
After a few minutes of deer-like immobility, I began to rack my mind for ideas on the way forward. I was so convinced that my efforts were doomed to fail that I didn’t even have a next step. So firstly I congratulated my colleagues to the best of my ability to mark this historic event, then I started talking to the management about the way forward. Now that our systems were beginning to shape and English classes were being held regularly, we would begin trainings on proposal writing and soliciting funding from outside donors to supplement the deplorable reliability of the Department of Health and Social Services.
I also made it my personal task to award the staff with something. So the next day I went into town and, doing my best impression of a midnight telemarketer, I started banging on shops’ doors asking for donations of paint, brushes or signage to revamp our Drop-In Center from the decrepit state of the current building. And wouldn’t you know, one sign store actually agreed to make a donation and is planning to visit next week. Who knows if he will actually come, but if I have anything to say about it he better hope he does.
The biggest challenge I now face is seeing how well the current progress holds up while I am on leave. I have a few colleagues in whom I have confidence, but even a week away can be a long time. Hopefully the struggles I have experienced over the past three months have helped prepare me for some of the failures that are sure to come. It has been a rough ticket, but if its eventual result is growth and renewed strength then I am glad and ready for the next trial. Well, not too soon.
For now I will fully enjoy a few days returning to the throws of quasi-adulthood and a temporary leave of absence from the example I have forced myself to uphold while in the village. There is always a lot to worry about when you leave something you have put so much effort into. But I suppose it’s apt preparation for the eventuality of the end of my service.
Nevertheless, I have never been more ready to be a kid again. Only five days until a group of restless, dirty Americans disrupts the peaceful South African afternoon with the deafening cacophony of:
You try to scream! but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze! as horror looks you right between the eyes
You're paralyzed!
'Cause this is thriller!, thriller night!
May he rest in peace.
2 comments:
Great post. Glad to hear you're over the initial hump. I recommend checking out Digital Doorway http://www.digitaldoorway.org.za/ . One of my favorite projects in rural SA. Might be a good group to partner with. It brings the community. Then you can build from there.
Things are looking up. I imagine the impression you're leaving on these people will last a lifetime. I think it's said it takes 30 days to form or break a habit, so stay grounded with these people, especially the little ones. They're most impressionable.
xo
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